dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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