i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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