My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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