Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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