hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize