she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
