Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
