Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
