By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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