a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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