You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
