I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
