I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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