i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Michael Bay diarrhea
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
