More tranny stories later!
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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