All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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