i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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