as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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