non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
