Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
