I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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