i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
