You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
