He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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