can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
