Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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