i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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