We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
