Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
