Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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