he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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