Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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