Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
