is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
