His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
