Buhtt sex?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
