u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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