She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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