He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
