You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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