im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
