i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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