does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
