Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
