we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
