I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize