$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
