I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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