everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
