While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
