First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
