Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
