hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
