I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
