So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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