Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
