Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
