I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize