Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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