I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
