you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
