I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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