last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
