i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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