I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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