woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
