i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
