my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
