I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
