did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
