Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
