paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
