these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
did i walk over a car last night?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
