Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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