i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
