And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
