after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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