i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
