I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
