Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
