Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
