She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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