Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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