I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
