I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
