STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
