Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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