When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
