My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
either way he was missing a nipple.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
