So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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