Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
