Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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