accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She even gives head with a lisp.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
