I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
