yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
