Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
