Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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