it was like his penis was on wheels.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A bitchslap is in order.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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