We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I forget how to act sober
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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